Relationships

There seems to be a lost in the quality of relationships now a days. For example, a close friend of mine is constantly questioning the status between her and the man she has been seeing for the last two years. It started off with the innocence of flirting in the office and soon he asked her out. She happily accepted. Their first date, which to me was a sign of doom to begin with, was a night at the club with other friends. I believe that if a man has true intentions, he will ask you on a proper date. They danced, they drank and eventually they slept together. And what happened next is what defined their future. As he drove her home, he nonchalantly brought up the "So, what are you looking for, a friend with benefits or something a bit serious?" conversation. I am unsure what went through her head as she opened her mouth to answer. As she was sharing this story with me I was flabbergasted. I thought I knew my friend and where she stands as a women with strong morals but put a man into the picture and a woman looses all rationality. Her reply, as subterfuge as it was an attempt to seem more desirable was that "she was down for whatever" Instead of speaking her true feelings; which was that she wouldn't mind taking things slow but that she was not open to being used for such abasing and emotionless acts, she opened the door to all the affliction she now bares.
Two years later she has not gained the title as girlfriend nor his feelings. She is constantly battling with him and her self respect. Their deed is not wham bam thank you mam. They go to the theater, clubbing and have sleep overs, they do all this as "friends". She has proclaimed her interest in him, her desire to be with him in a serious relationship but he has declined. He explained to her that he did not want a relationship, that it was far from his agenda. Usually this conversation, and there has been many alike, ends with her telling him to take a hike and promising herself never to see him again. As I mentioned before this has been going on for two years.
My dear friend has called me late at night crying and feeling insecure. Why doesn't he love me?, and then answering herself with "I'm not pretty enough, he doesn't like my body". As any good friend would do, I have advised her on reasons, galore, on why she should stop seeing him. But then the page turns quickly and she begin's defending him. She adores his qualities. He is blunt and always honest. "Honest?" I ask. "From the beginning he let it be known that he didn't want a relationship and I respect his honesty." she declares. In other words she likes that he is honest with his intentions but see's past his flaw as a man not willing to commit and a man that doesn't have enough compassion to walk away from a women who clearly wants more than he can offer. I believe as many other women with past experiences might, that she thinks she can sleep her way into a relationship with him. There is a concept known in the game of "no strings attached", that if you have sexual relations with someone for a long duration that eventually the feelings will come. This is a dilution. Most people know within 3 to 7 months how they feel about someone. If they haven't fell in love with you after a year, odds are, they never will. There are qualities in people that are appealing to other's which is one of the key factors to falling in love. If those qualities didn't woo them in the first year then you are clearly not what they are looking for.
Many women have become acceptable to being in an undefined relationship, willing to accept what little is offered so that they can win the bigger prize, love. I find that all my single females friends seek a relationship filled with love but in turn usually end up with just another guy interested in becoming "friends". Soon it will be a rare commodity to find a man who will ever want a relationship. Why would a man want the responsibility of a relationship, when they can have all the sex they want with out it.
By the way my friend is no longer seeing that guy, he called things off with her to pursue another women because he wanted to see where things would go. Looks like he is interested in a relationship, just not with her. It is better to make what you want known at the beginning of any relationship and then take it, than to be taken for.

Raindrops

My days and nights don’t feel the same, when you’re not with me, I feel the pain.
The clouds start rolling in… next comes the rain.
That rain will keep on falling down; because you left me stuck on these flooded grounds.
Why do you keep on dragging me through these storms, don’t you know my heart can’t take anymore.
Raindrops keep falling from the sky, teardrops keep falling from my eyes...I don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this storm to pass us by.
And every time it seems like the suns about to beam, you come right back again, why can’t you see?
You’re like thunder and lightning that never ends, you’re gone then you come right back again.
You’re gone then you come right back again.

Can't Give Up

I wish you tried a little bit harder, I wish you gave a little more strength.
But you never seem like the strong type, cause you always run away.
You never stay to face the truth, you always run when I say I love you.
You come back just when I think im finally getting over you.
If loves just a thing that you won’t try then I guess I’m just a girl wasting her time…
What am I suppose to do if all I think and do and feel..is loving you?
Tell me, what am I to do with out you.
And I wish, you loved me, cause I love you.
And I wish you thought about me cause I think of you.
And what am I suppose to do with all this love that you don’t want and I can’t give up?

Ticking On By

I'm just sitting here all alone thinking about how things use to be....hows things use to be baby, when it was just you and me.

We use to spend so much time together, just hanging out doing whatever.

We use to laugh together, we were passionate lovers.

I was yours and you were mine...and we were each others favorite pass time.

But now...time keeps on ticking on by, ticking on by and I'm wondering, why?

I thought our love was meant to be, but with time it only seems to get weak.

You use to put a smile on my face with just the presence of you in my everdays, and I feel like I'm losing what use to be my world and you act like you no longer want me as your girl.

Now...time keeps on ticking on by, ticking on by and I'm wondering, why?

I thought our love was meant to be, but with time it only seems to get weak.

Did something happen along our way,to make your love for me just fade? Is there some one new, that's made you stray?

I'm just sitting here alone just thinking about the ways things are, thinking baby....I no longer want this part. You act like you don't want me, and though we are still together, I always feel lonely.

And since I no longer know my role, I will simply say goodbye baby, I have to go.

It Is What It Is

I told you we could still be friends, even though our love had come to its end.

But you steadily ask me for more even though I closed that door.

You say I'm no good and that I play mind games, but I say it's the other way around and you should take half the blame.

I go just to hang out and some how end up back in your arms. But it wasn't me that made the move it was your charm.

Sometimes you mistake my actions for any feelings I might have towards you, but I can only be me and do what I do.

Sometimes when I go out, I call you late at night, but you get confused for the real reason why.

Right now I am single and get lonely or bored, so I go to you when I need to score. You say you still love me and want me back, but that's not going to happen, I never retrace my tracks.

Our relationship was never good, all we did was fight.

You're crying you want it back, and I really don't understand why.

Now we are just friends with a package of benefits, I wish you just accept this for what it is.

I don't want you back, I never will...but I like to hang out sometimes and chill.

Cold Feet

You were standing there looking so damn sweet, but I could see it in your eyes, you still felt incomplete.

I grabbed my long white dress and ran out the church, and even though I loved you I can't force the hurt.

I know you never really got over her leaving, and I should have never fallen for you during your grieving.

Maybe I mistaken your love for that need, to have someone back in your arms and to feel relief.

She's no longer here and nor is your child, but I thought maybe again I could make your life worth the while.

But since you can't let go, I will let go for you. I won't enter a marriage that's headed for doom.

When I walked out the church, she was standing there. She said please don't leave him, but all I could do was stare.

She said...Unlike you, I had no choice when I had to leave, god came calling upon me.

He's all alone with his pain, please don't let his life and your love go invain.

Make him love again, make him smile. One day bare his child.

Bring his soul back to life, please go in the church and become his wife.

I replied...He doesn't want me, he wants you and maybe even your ghost will do. She said, I will walk back in with you so this wedding can continue.

As we walked in his eyes began to shine. I knew then I lost him but again he was never really mine. She took his hand and place it in mine and said today is the first day of the rest of your lives.

She gave her blessing so he could be free, and when her spirit left, we were married.

Lies

Make me an empty promise and I will fill it with hope.

Promise me you'll change and I hope that you do.

While all along your lies are no more than the altared truth.

I know if you say your going to do something, it really means that you won't. And I've really come to rely on your do's as don't.

I know that I love you, I can feel it in my heart. But for the love of me I can't accept the person you are.

Love

Love seems to be a thing in the distance and no matter how hard I reach for it...there's nothing but resistance.
I want to share my heart and my life with someone but I'm always left broken hearted and numb.
Are all men out just to play games and are there any real men left , if so...what's his name?
They say you have to give to receive...but I haven't received anything and have given every part of me.

Make Believe

Simple are the words you speak to me, never from your heart, just make believe. Say you love me, but I know thats not how you really feel. Don't feel obligated to speak words that are unreal. The truth will set you free, so just look in your heart and seek.... you don't love anyone... least of all "me!"

Unable To Love

My thoughts always scattered never focused on anything long enough to matter.

My heart empty and cold doesn’t seem to want to hold,

Any feelings for anything, for any reason, no room for pain.

My mind seems to be split in two, one questions what the other wants to do.

My memories dissolve after time, no thoughts left to remind,

Me of any pain that ever bared, no memories of love I ever shared.

I live for the day, not tomorrow, worrying about my past or future only brings sorrow.

People try to implant there self’s in my life but all I have for them are goodbyes.

I don’t liked being tied down by any commitments, learning from the past, it only leaves room for resentment

Moon Effects

Chapter 1
As I stood on the balcony of my second floor apartment, my eyes sought out the dark sky. The illumination from the full moon gazed down upon my tear filled eyes as I tried to fight back the truth. The truth, in which, one can only hide from, for so long. My name is Adleene Sumners, and this is my story.
There has never been enough love in my heart for just one man, or maybe it’s just the opposite. Perhaps one man has never loved me enough to satisfy my heart. There for I kept two. For whatever reason, it didn’t matter now. All my decisions drifted me towards the situation im in now and I feel lodged with no source of escape.
It was my decision to bring in Franco after the flame with Jason mitigated. Jason and I had a connection but he fought it every minute of our relationship. Eventually it became no more than copulation for him. I still held onto the notion that we belong together. That one day he would realize he loved me as I loved him. From the moment I met Jas, I knew exactly how I felt but I also knew how things would be. I’ve always had a keen sense of people’s characteristics. My gut told me to run from him as fast as my sketchers would allow. But my heart spoke louder and I admit I didn’t try to harbor the call. He had always been remote when it came to his feelings, though now, I can almost be sure it was because he didn’t harvest any. None the less, Jason was most inviting in other areas of his life, most of all his bed. I could not resist his invites, or his broad shoulders full of muscles that seized his body all the way down to his impeccable calves. His body was a canvas for my sexual lust and his face was only the compliment of it all. He stood only 5’7 but he was all man. His brown hair soothe his dark eyes. Jason’s eyes were the eyes of an innocent child. So many times I vowed to walk out of his life, but one look into them and I forgave him for all the cruelty he caused my heart. And in these three years of loving him, he has caused me tremendous cruelty. His skin was the tone of a sandy beach off the coast of a tropical beach. His lips were full, full of sweetness. This brilliant man whom I have fallen madly in love with has not an ounce of care for me. Ask me if it matters. Ask me has it stopped me from loving him, from hurting, from running to him night after night.
The answer is no.

Chapter 2
And then there was Franco. Loving Jas can leave any women feeling lonely. That’s how I ended up with Franco. He feels that void but not my heart. Franco is a kinder soul. He is a lot younger and naïve not to mention. Franco has the deepest desire for me and my heart is his prize. But he doesn’t know that he is in second place and for that there is no award. There isn’t a minute of any day that he doesn’t wish to share with me. I love him for no reason other than he is my closet friend. Don’t get me wrong, Franco is desirable, just never satisfying. The only thing worth my while in this man is his brain. He carries himself in a dolt kind of way. He stands 5’7, with big caramel filled eyes, a distinguished nose, and pouty lips with a middle eastern accent. He wears a 5’o clock shadow better than any man I know. He can be a little outlandish at times but this just keeps things interesting.

Life or Death

Which is more important, life or death? We are defined by the way we live, the decisions we make. But when we die, we are then judged by the life we lived. If we die only to go on to our afterlife, which last an eternity, then death should be what’s most important to us. Does that affect our behavior while we are alive? It should. We should make every choice, right from wrong based on the notion that these decisions lead us to our eternity. A marvel in heaven serving our Lord and vasting in his never ending blessings, or hell; where we our tortured and burned over and over with no mercy. But yet million of people go on in this life acting as though their behavior won’t be accounted. Is that because they don’t believe in God or an afterlife? Ask them and most will claim to believe in God. How can you truly believe in your heart that if you sin you will be punished for an eternity and yet still sin? I believe if I murder someone, I will go to prison. I don’t want to go to prison so I choose not to murder. That’s an understanding of how the human law works and there should be an understanding on how God’s law works. But with my eyes I see known. This world is full of hate, greed, violence and cruelty and I will never understand how people fulfill these acts without a second thought of sadness or God.

Loss of Blood

As I lay in bed listening the the hoarse sound of struggle breaths escaping my husband’s nostrils, I canvassed the Internet in pursuit of entertainment. A YouTube video, an interesting chat room, anything but sleep. It was only eleven p.m. and there was no way I could fall asleep this early especially not with the loud snores that only got louder with each escape. I thought about dragging my body to the living room and finding a movie on Netflix but I felt too lazy. I had been holding my pee for the last five minutes and pacing myself with my can of Dr.pepper. I wasn't getting up for anything at least not at this moment. As I signed onto my face book account, an erry feeling came over me like a cold chill invading my warmth and for some reason I had the urge to look over at my bedroom door. As my eyes gazed at the figure standing in the passage way, my mind was in disbelief. I must be dreaming. There was no way a man could be here in the apartment invading the security I possessed when I locked the bolt on the front door. I was aghast but screams could not come into form. His face was familiar to me. I see it each time I sign onto the information highway. He was one of my face book friends. I whispered his name to myself. Louis. I don't know why I was afraid of my husband waking up and catching him. But that's the thought that went through my mind as we starred at each other. He was here on his own free will and he obviously had to have broken in. But would my husband believe that? I got up and quietly walked over to him. "What are you doing here? Are you out of your mind?" I asked him with a firm whisper. He didn't say anything. He put his index finger to his lips motioning for me to be quiet. He turned around and walked away. I followed him to the living room. I started to question him again but before my thoughts could turn into words I felt a sharp sting in my stomach. I looked down and there he was plunging a knife repeatively into my body. I could feel the urine run down my legs. I had no control over my muscles. The pain was intolerable and I fell to my knees. Louis kneeled down next to me and grabbed the back of my hair. He wanked my head back so hard that I was no longer in an upright position. My blood began to seep into the carpet and I could feel my life slowly evaporate. I wanted to ask him why he was doing this but I was too weak to speak. The sound of my husband’s snore seemed to be fading. Actually everything sounded muffled as though it was far away. I could hear my front door being unlocked, he was leaving. He came to kill me and now he was just going to walk out of my front door as though nothing happened. No one would know who did this to me. No one would suspect him. He lived in New York and besides we have never even met in person so why would he come down just to cause me harm. Why was exactly the question I needed an answer for? I refused to die. Soon my husband would wake up and he would see I wasn't next to him. He will find me and he will call an ambulance. But he wouldn't find me. Louis grabbed hold of my ankles and dragged my body right out my front door. I heard him lock the door behind him. How did he get into my apartment and where did he get a key? He continued to drag my body down the stairwell of the apartment, each step stabbing at the back of my skull. What's the matter with you? Why haven't you screamed once? You didn't scream when someone broke into your home, you didn't scream when you were stabbed and now your skull is being cracked and still you’re not screaming? I didn't even try to fight back. I couldn't believe that this was how I was going to leave the world. I knew where he was taking me. My apartment was across the street from a bayou. I could feel the grass ruffle against my body as he tossed me down toward the murky water. I was cold and wet. But not dead, not yet. I landed face up in the shallow pit of the bayou. It was dark and all I could see was the glimmer from the night’s stars. My chest became heavy and it hurt to breath. The light from the stars disappeared and the darkness became a blur. My life slipped away from me and it wasn't coming back.
Louis starred down at the water. It was dark but he could see Melissa's pale face perching out at the night sky. He liked how she didn't scream when she saw him. He liked very much that she trusted him even though their friendship went no further than the Internet and a few phone calls. He thought about going down for her. He imagined himself wrapping her in a blanket and placing her in the trunk. He would tend to her wounds when he got to his hotel room. He was over whelmed with regret. He thought about how mad he was at her when he drove to Texas but that anger was gone as he thought about how she looked at him, how she whispered his name. He decided then he would help her. As he started to walk down the steep he could see she was lifeless. Her eyes were blank and the light that surrounded her had faded into the darkness. It was too late; he had stabbed her too many times. She lost too much blood. That was it. Louis remembers a conversation he had with Melissa about two years ago. She told him a secret. He shared the same secret. He rushed down to her. He pulled out his knife and cut across his left wrist. He placed his wound over Melissa's stomach. You just need some more blood, you lost too much. He spoke to her lifeless body as though she were still clinging on to dear life. Louis began to feel weak. "Melissa?" he yelled over and over. But she did not respond. "You just need more blood, that's all then you will feel better." Louis's body began to feel limp. His body was sloped over Melissa's. Louis wouldn't stop the bleeding until he brought her back. "This has to work Melissa, we have the same blood….we have the same blood." Those were the last words he spoke as he faded into death.